Below are a set of valuable behaviors I chose to adopt following a series of trainings on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) that have served me very well. I hope you also find them useful in your life.

 

1) Never start a sentence with "you". This avoids conflict, because my statements are about how "I" feel vs casting my judgement on "you" and defining what I think "you" are.

 

2) Avoid judgment, because judgment is just my selfish way of asking someone else to adopt my beliefs and make them their own. My judgement means nothing to others and I have no right to cast it.

 

3) I am 100% responsible for all of my words, actions and responses at all times. This is my great power of choice=unlimited options and outcomes. 

 

4) Do not blame. When I take full responsibility for my entire life - being whole, I am presented with every possible opportunity and choice, because I am not relying on others for my decisions, results or cure(s).

 

5) Do not allow others to cast judgments upon me or define me. I may even reply "That is your perspective and projection. That is not my truth and I will not own it." This straightforward feedback always generates the same response in a person with high integrity - "I agree. I will own that assumption". We then proceed in a healthy manner by talking about our feelings, vs each other.

 

6) I have nothing to prove or defend against when others cast judgments upon me. By choosing to listen vs defend myself, again, I have options. I often tell the person who's making a judgment or accusation that I won't participate in a conversation that casts blame upon me and I ask them to own it. And if I need to apologize for what I've done or said, I immediately own my part.

 

As I practice these behaviors, my expectations of others diminished and I now understand that expectation is just another form of my judgment - think and be like me. I'm best to keep my opinions to myself, accept myself and others right where we are and hold these guidelines as the core of my integrity. Conflict is avoided and good results are instant. These behaviors lead to creating and maintaining a neutral conversation and bring great peace. It gets easier as it becomes my unconscious competent practice.

 

Remember these words "It all starts with me. I am the catalyst to kindness, love and peace in my life."

 

We all have the incredible power of choice within us, if we choose it and accept full responsibility for creating what we want and all outcomes.

 

"You will create your dream house by choosing what you want to build, not what you don't want."

 

Ommmmmm 😊